Today when I was drinking the juice of my cauliflower dish, it tasted like the sea water I would occasionally swallow when I was in Antalya— more than 20 years ago now. How can a certain taste or smell bring back memories that far? How did I code it in my brain to associate with a place and time?
My mind drifts and wanders back into my childhood often. My best friend in middle school and high school was Gizem. We sticked together for the toughest part of our growing up journey. I remember Gizem to “not climb on the sidewalk”, because it will be a wasted “potential energy” once we need to go down at the end. We would watch “Dawson’s Creek” together and discuss/argue like crazy. She studied Material Sciences in college, then did PhD like me, to steer into Data Science later on— like many.
Our two other best friends were Ezgi and Ilgin. Ezgi also studied Molecular Biology like me. She stayed in Europe. Ilgin became a teacher like her dad and a caregiver to her dad once her mom passed away. I can see how each of my friends grew up to be very strong women. Life threw us in different directions in college, but somehow I feel our souls are still connected.
Back then, one day we went to watch Duman live in Antalya Cam Piramit (Glass Pyramid). There was the satisfaction from good music, friendships and limited freedom. Amazingly all those memories are so vivid, not lost, not forgotten, still there.
I typed these yesterday, as if telepathically, my sister went to Cam Piramit today. She mentioned that there was a fair/festival for selling muslim clothing. I know that sounds very different from the rock concert above. Tell me about radical changes in politics, these days.
Today, I found myself experiencing sadness, which reminded me of a poem I wrote before: (here is a translation)
When I am sad
My heart becomes a pile of
Broken glass
bleeds, if you touch it
bleeds, if you do not
Why is a heart so sensitive? Love is “muhabbet” in Arabic and (in the sufism corner of my blog) is described as clinging attachments one’s heart makes onto mortal things. The attachments will need to stretch thin if two beings are separated. The clinging hurts a lot if surgically cut off or removed.
Well, that hurts a lot. What could be a remedy? The solution is described as rerouting your clings. You would attach all of them to a central hub which is stable/eternal and then route to other beings. Imagine a cling being cut off, since the heart is still connected to the hub, it hurts less.
That is one way I can strengthen my emotional intelligence to regulate my sadness.🌷I cannot promise that it always works, but it is an option. See if you can rewire your clinging heart to reduce sadness. Maybe reach out to your friends as well. Do you like rock music? What is a favorite song of yours? :)
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